Turbo's 4 Rules for a Happy Marriage

Ok, so like I learned that the secret behind the happiest marriages is for the male to follow these 4 simple rules:

1. Speak only when spoken too;
2. Never offer an opinion (unless it's to tell her how good she looks);
3. Never ever critique; and the newest rule
4. Never watch while she's getting ready to go out!

All in all pretty simple rules to follow and they seem to work pretty well - at least that's what my owner tells me. Cus' he's pretty smart and always gives me the straight poop. 

Anyway, I find it works in my relationships so I thought I'd pass this advice along to you poor souls trying to figure it all out.

That's all for today............yes dear!.....of course dear!.......you're right dear!......thank you dear!......

T is leaving the building.

Filthmeister!

What a slabone! Do you believe this? Of all the days for my owner to show up and look at me.. No wonder he just turned around and walked the other way.

Anyway, he finally came back and took me out of the horseie play pen and marched me back to the barn where he proceeded to clean me up. Took him at least an hour to get all this crud off me....I didn't know he knew words like that.

So, now I'm all cleaned up....again...just waitin' for some more rain and mud so we can do it all over again. Ya see, ain't no fun to ride a filthy horse so that's why I like the rain....hee hee.

Actually, my hooves been way to dirty to work a keyboard so that's why you ain't heard from me in a while. But now that I'm cleaned up a bit, guess I can get back to tellin' my story. Hey, like what happened to All My Kiddies? That was a great soap....all the horses liked it.....sucked the way it ended. Oh well.

T....lookin' for a new soap.

Out!

New Home

Dam! Can't believe my owner was really serious 'bout movin' me to another farm if I kept actin' up. Wow!

Now I gotta start all over 'gain makin' a place for me in the new hood. And you thought my peeps in my old neighborhood was bad. Mr. T is in a whole new world now babies.

Good news is there's lots of room to run and crap so now I can get's away faster 'cus some of the older horses can't run fast very long. So's if I can get a head start I can usually stay safe. Course I gotta come back sometimes but 'cus they're old they usually don't remember they was mad at me or why any way.

So there you have it. My owner finally followed through on his threats to move my ass (get it....horse's ass) so now I'm learnin' stuff from a whole new set of hoodlems.

Stay Frosty!

Mr. T....out!

I'm Back!

Dudes! Like it's me back from the equine abyss....

I know, I know it's been a long time and a lot of water passed under the dam man but who cares T has returned!

Haven't talked to ya'll since last year when I had the 'bout with rain rot..Never did figure that one out. Maybe I was messin' with the wrong philly. Who knows, who cares?

So like the I'm not depressed any more and my owner moved me to a new neighborhood. It's kind o' cool 'cus there ain't much mud....yet. But you know what 20 horses will do to a nice field of grass. Anyway, it seems like a nice place with tons of grass to eat.

Oh yeah, had a birthday a couple months back and that went off without a hitch...get it hitch.....that's a joke. Anyway, it went off without a hitch 'cus there weren't no party, no cake, no card, no nothin'. It's all good though....it's all good.

T's ottta here.....gotta take my pills ya know.

The Heartbreak of Rain Rot!

I was wonderin' why none of my peeps were hangin' with me again, then I heard my owner tellin' someone I got "Rain Rot!" What the hay? Are you freakin' kidding me?

Actually, I don't know what it is, but it can't be too good 'cus he's been sprayin' stuff and pickin' hair off me for days now and it hurts like a ..... well it just hurts. And yesterday he stopped by a sprayed me with some mouthwash stuff and now I stink like a medicine cabinet.

Dam, last year it was my hoof and the year before warts on my muzzle.......I'm afraid to go to the bathroom!! Oh yeah, horses don't go to the bathroom....we just go wherever we want....don't have to worry 'bout puttin' the seat down either.

Anyway, like it's time for me to move to a dryer climate 'cus all this rain is just rotting my coat...I thought only wood could rot in the rain......should'a paid more attention in chemistry class, or listened to my mom.

Sure, if my friends could see me now.......Yuk!

t - gone

I'm Startin' A Union!

Dudes, like it's time to form a horsey union. Just look at the working conditions we have to put up with! I mean why should we have to wear all this stuff just so some human can have fun makin' us do all the hard work and for what?!! A lousy cube of sugar, a few carrots, maybe an apple once in a while is all we get for the effort. Wha's that all about anyway? Dam, like how 'bout a minimum riding time, or some kind of slidin' scale if I have to work 'specially hard carryin' Mr. Fatso around in ruff stuff? I mean like how 'bout some better treats or maybe install one of those beer meister thingies with a pizza delivered once or twice a week. Don't sound like a lot to ask for.....

Anyway, this whole thing flared up late today 'cus my owner stops by 'round 6:00 and wants to go ridin'. Yo, genius, like the sun is settin' dude and I'm off the clock. Ain't my fault you didn't come by earlier. That didn't get me anywhere so I ended up haulin' his old butt around the park risking life and limb so's he can decompress from a hard day at work....like I didn't have a ruff day myself. You wouldn't believe what my schedule looks like.

Well, don't do no good to bitch 'bout it 'cus nobody listens anyway. But you get the issues here right? Good. So now I can rest easy knowing that.

What ever happened to that Hoffa dude anyway?

Ciao babies......T

Yeah Yeah I Cleaned Up the Photo!

So, like what were you lookin' at Sparky? Here's a news flash, in case you don't know 'bout horses. This happens when we're relaxed. That's all there is to it. Nothin' to get excited 'bout - nothin'.

Oh yeah, if I have to pass water the same thing happens but most the time it's just 'cus I'm feelin' good. Got it? Great! Let's move on to somethin' else like the fact that you guys ain't writin' to me no more.

I'm feelin' a little down this week 'cus winter is on the way and that means it gets cold and muddy and crap. To stay warm I gotta huddle with the herd and some of those guys stink...nothin' personal but dudes can you take a bath once a year or somethin?

The good news is that I grow my own winter coat and that's already comin' in. But now I'm hot all the time 'cus we're havin' an indian summer whatever that means. So like I'm grouchy and cranky all the time and my owner is talkin' stuff about giving me midol. Don't know what that is but the mares fell over laffin' when I mentioned it.

Ok, I'm outta here 'cus the sun is goin' down early and I can't see the keyboard to good. Dam, I am grouchy, even I don't like me.

Maybe I'll be feelin' better in 28 days......

T.....Ciao

Dam, Looks Like The Circus Life For Me!

Can you stand this crap? Look at me, reduced to givin' "pony" rides. All the long hours training, endless behavior modification, and sleepless nights afraid that I wouldn't make the grade and what am I doin' with all that education??????

My owner should have saved his money and just sent me to the circus, 'cus I'm sure that's what he has in mind for me after this little stunt.

Here I thought we'd be ridin' the range, huntin' and fishin' ya know....stuff like that, but nooooo.

Guess I won't be playin' Lone Ranger anytime soon. Oh well, so much for my big dreams.

Ok then, anyone know how to get bubble gum out of my mane....I think there's a little in my tail too.

T....disgusted.

PS. Gotta admit the kid was really cute.

Nnnnnnn-eye-ce!

OMG, what a great day. Dudes, like who could have a problem on a day like today.

Went ridin' with another dude and his owner and I was even nice to my owner. Course I been nice to him ever since they started put stuff in the water.

Anyway, got back from my ride and to my amazement my owner and his friend actually hung out with the herd for a while. Now I ain't sayin' that it was cool or nothin' like that, but it was kinda funny havin' him hang around after our ride. Usually he just dumps me like an old towel but today he musta been feelin' good. What was cool is that he had a pocket full of treats for everybody so like now I'm the man.....horse.....whatever....

T has left the barn.....

PS. like don't stare at this pic too long as it will do funny things to your head.

Get Lost!!

Crap, I thought "Mr. Wonderful" would leave me alone this weekend but nooooooo. I mean like I was enjoyin' eatin' this grass 'n stuff when out o' nowhere he shows up wantin' to go for a ride. Dude! like ain't that why you have a car?

Wasn't no use fightin' wit 'em, 'cus "he's the master" yada yada yada. Phoey!

It's all good though, we went ridin' through the woods and I made sure he bumped into a couple of trees. It's sooooo cool when he get's mad at me. Oh, almost forgot, his eminence lost his favorite hat which made me laff. Should of seen him when that happened. He didn't know what to do, so I just kept goin'. Freakin' dumb ass.

I got mine though, 'cus he took me through a field that had lots of stickers and thorns and he wouldn't let me turn around. Next time he's gonna be the horse and vice versa.

I'm outta here......woooo hooo

T

Me and My Shadow

Well, my owner finally saddled me up and took me ridin'. Didn't think he was gonna do that this year...well I was hopin' anyway. Funny thing is, he done real good so I let him take a picture of our shadows together 'cus I ain't ready to be seen in public with 'em. Maybe next year, we'll see.

He got here real early, at least early for horses, and had the nerve to saddle me up before breakfast. Dudes, like the entire ride I'm thinkin' I'm gonna miss a meal. So we get back and I find out the heard was mad 'cus they didn't serve breakfast at the regular time...and, 'cus I just happened to be returnin' at the exact moment they were fillin' up the feedin' thingies I got to be first in line....hee hee, that never happens. Guess I'll be payin' for this for a while.

Ok, I'm gonna take a nap now.

T......gone

It's Too Freakin' Hot!!

Like it's so hot that all I do is bite n' kick 'cus the flies are sooooo bad. My owner came by today and sprayed this crap all over me 'spose to keep the flies off. Yeah, it kept 'em off as long as he was around but once he left......dam!

Anyway like it's so dry that I been stompin' my hoof and now it's all cracked 'n stuff. Heard my owner tellin' someone that the hoof doc will be here on Tuesday to take care of me. It don't hurt but it don't look good. Good news is my trainer stayed off my back this week 'cus she didn't want to make it any worse. Cool....I'm for anything that don't make somethin' worse.

Oh yeah, did you know horses get sunburn? Who'd a thunk it, but sure 'nuff my muzzle is sunburnt. My owner's gonna bring some sun stuff next week to put on my nose. It really sux bein' a horse out here with all this crap to deal with.

Outta hear.....T

Happy 4th of What?

Yikes! So like the entire herd's been talkin' 'bout the 4th, but we didn't know what it meant. All I know is that when it started to get dark, dude, the sky exploded and there was loud bangin' and lots of lights and stuff. Scared the crap out of a lot of us so someone's gonna have fun cleanin' up in the mornin'.

We were all pretty worked up over this stuff, at first, but then I remembered my American history classes, and started tellin' the horses what the 4th is all about...Dam, they didn't believe me and most 'em just walked away callin' me funny names. What does egghead mean?

Anyway, once I figured out how to work my owners camera, oh yeah he left it here yesterday, I was able to get some shots of the lights in the sky...Not sure what that smell was but when mixed with the smell of horse poop.....well....someone should file an environmental impact study with the EPA.

T...Happy Birthday America

When Itchy....I Scratch!

Dam am I itchy! Ain't been no rain now for days and it's all dusty n' stuff. Feels like I have terminal dandruff. So like this pole finally has a use other than keepin' me from wonderin' off....

It was really nice all week 'cept for the thunder storm came by the other night. Had little stones or somethin' commin' out of sky. It was the darndest thing they were bouncin' off all of us and then meltin' right away. Hurt like buggers too. But like everythin' else in life - it passed too. Becoming quite the philosophical one don't you think?

This afternoon my meditation guru is comin' by to give me my mantra - just tryin' to transend this whole equine thing. Can't figure out what I done to end up as a horse in this life but, long as I'm here, gotta make the best of it.

Ummmmmmmmmmmm,

T, meditating.

Leader Of The Pack

Dudes, check it out..

Like I was the lead horse on our ride today and it was way cool. I didn't have to dodge anybody's poop, or have my muzzle in anybody's butt, cus' there was no one in front of me. My trainer was ridin' high in the saddle and I was the man! - or horse as the case may be.

My main squeeze couldn't go today cus' she has a bad boo boo on her leg...not from me, but I caught her checkin' me out as I was leadin' the posse' back to the ranch.

Even my owner showed up, with his really cool friends, and everyone thought I was the bomb. It was kinda hot n' stuff, but I was really feelin' good. Gotta lead the rides more often, then maybe I'll get some respect from my peeps. You know how that goes...those that is the closest never acknowledge greatness....that's right....

Ok, I'll stop hoofin' myself on the back here.

T has left the house.

That's It...I'm Outta Here!

My owner stops by today and pulls me out of the field where I'm hangin' with my peeps. Course he's got a pocket full o' treats and thinks he's the pied piper or somethin'. The heard starts followin' us thru the field back to the barn and it's a flippin' parade. Good thing he figured out how to get us out of there or it wouldn't have been pretty.

Anyway, like he ties me up to a pole and makes me stand there in the freakin' sun tryin' to clean me up. Then he starts with the bug spray and the crap that goes in my ears and I was good about it - for the most part.

After he finishes up, he starts hangin' with some of his peeps while I'm still bakin' in the sun. Wha's he thinkin'?

But I got him figured and just start actin' up. After of few minutes, if I don't get his attention, I just leave him a big mess to clean up which really frosts his buns. This time he tried to rub my muzzle in it, but I wasn't havin' any of that crap.....get it? crap?....that's a joke son.

Finally, he took me back to the heard and left me alone. Course all my peeps were makin' fun of my hair and the fact that I was all cleaned up. So, I just got down on the ground and startin' rollin' in the mud.....felt real good too. By the time he comes back, that stuff will be hard as rocks and won't come off very easy. That'll give me somethin' else to act up about and he'll go home early. Gotta luv it!

T....out at angels 11

He's Back!!

So my owner startin' to feel better and decides to show up on a day when it's stinkin' hot and there's lots of flyin things that land on ya and bite the crap out of you. And I'm grouchy anyway 'cus the heard has some new stuff goin' on 'cus we got a new leader and it's like not the same man. Everyone wants to rule the heard....might be a good name for a song.

Anyway, I couldn't figure out why I was missing my owner and then it dawned on me that he's real nice to me and doesn't chase me around kickin' and bitin' like the new equine nazi.

Oh well, every horse has its day and one of these days ..........

Damm, this keyboard don't work so well with horse sweat and poop on it. I'll clean it up.

Stay frosty.....

T

Oops! Sorry Wrong Blog!

So sorry chaps, thought this was my hi-brow and sophisticated blog; but I see it's Turbo's crowd. Bunch of bounders the entire lot!

Oh well then, carry on with Turbo's silly stories if you must.

Cheerio!

Anybody Seen My Human?

Yeah, that's right I miss the old codger! Hasn't been around in weeks to see me and, can't believe I'm gonna say this, I miss his pestering and annoying ways. You didn't hear this from me by the way.

So, like, word around the farm is that he got hurt or somethin' like that and had to have "surgery" ... do they "geld" humans? Man, sure glad I don't remember havin' that procedure.

Do me a favor, if you see the old fart (I mean that in the nicest way of course), tell him to get his butt over to see me AND don't forget the treats. I'm such a sensitive beast!

Luv,

T

Amazing What A few Days Will Do

Ok, you can all stop with the I told you so's about my drinkin'. Yeah, i get it...horses just shouldn' drink. Got it.

Anyway, for those of you who were worried about my condition over the weekend, thanks. As you can see, there was nothin' to worry 'bout 'cus I always bounce back from my nights out.

I'm a little too young, but my buds know a stallion who knows a mare who knows gelding who can get fake drivers licenses and so I figured....you know.

I guess those bouncer dudes don't care what you look like, just as long as the birthday's good. I'm sure I'll get caught one of these days.....but 'til then. Oh yeah, forgot to mention Cinco de Mayo's comin' up soon. The entire herd is talkin' trash about makin' a run for the boarder to celebrate...only problem is, they ain't said which boarder. Freakin' horses probably don't know that Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican thing. So, I'm hankerin' for some tacos and a corona with lime of course.

There you have it. All's well that ends well, and, well I'm gonna survive this round. I think we're good as long as we don't mess with the lady who flys around on the broom....whatever..

Dudes,

T